Beltway Update

By jes. on November 28, 2018

WASHINGTON, DC (Herald de Paris) —  The Million Women March, scheduled for January 21st, 2017 in Washington, DC, was denied access to the Lincoln Memorial by the National Park Service, on behalf of the Presidential Inauguration Committee.  Meanwhile, sources say the group Bikers for Trump are planning a Million Motorcycle Ride on Washington, DC the same weekend, to protect the President-Elect from liberal violence.  The convergence of these two groups may well result in a Half Million Baby Boom, invading US hospitals the following October.

The Trump team has nominated fast food executive Andrew Puzder for Secretary of Labor.  Puzder, known for his racy Carls Jr. and Hardees ads, wants to replace all his fast food workers with robots.  Wait, what?

Hillary Clinton was sighted again in the Chappaqua, New York woods, this time walking with Bigfoot, the Yeti, and Elvis Presley.

The Vichy Government, formerly known as Keith Olbermann, continues his onslaught against his former landlord, Donald Trump.  Nobody is quite sure why Olbermann, the former newsman and ESPN anchor, is so angry, but we’re impressed he got GQ Magazine to pay for it.

Who really ran the White House the last eight years, President Obama or the Democratic National Committee?  If the latter, imagine what Obama could have achieved on his own (In truth I first wrote, “Imagine what Obama could have achieved without the shackles,” but decided it was too soon).

This just in … despite vowing to move out of the country if Donald Trump was elected, Amy Schumer, Jon Stewart, Chelsea Handler, Neve Campbell, Barry Diller, Lena Dunham, Rev. Al Sharpton, Spike Lee, Amber Rose, Samuel L. Jackson, Cher, George Lopez, Barbara Streisand, Whoopi Goldberg, Miley Cyrus, Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Rosie O’Donnell and others are still here.

Life imitating art:  Midway through our current poll, Alec Baldwin, who portrays a cartoonish Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live, is leading the real Donald Trump in our poll asking who readers want to see inaugurated in January.

The Trump team continues to name appointees.  The wife of WWE Wrestling tycoon, a fast food chain entrepreneur, the Breitbart guy, Reince Prebus … The federal government looks less and less like The Apprentice and more and more like The Biggest Loser, everyday.

The 2020 Democratic primary contender field is slowly coming into focus, and we can’t wait for the debates between Joe Biden and Kanye.  “I’ma let you finish, Joe.”

It’s Christmas Party season Inside the Beltway, and even the White House is holding Christmas parties.  But for any of you have done business in, at, or for the White House, don’t hold your breath for an invitation, the outgoing administration’s junior staffers have sent those to their friends back home.

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