AFTERPARTY MDL: Episode 3.4
By Crystal Chambers on November 4, 2009
HOLLYWOOD (Herald de Paris) - This week on the Bravo show Million Dollar Listing, viewers were entertained ruefully well with music, fashion and frankness. Chad and his girlfriend Starla strutted their funky stuff, while Chad’s house/person-keeper Victoria strolled along for the walk to a local bistro. It’s a good thing that Victoria “gets” Chad, because the rest of us would have handed him the pooper scooper a long time ago.
While waiting for their entrées to arrive, Chad and Victoria have a bit of a tense moment when Starla needed to go in the doggy bag so the humans could eat. Victoria resented that idea and wanted to put Starla in her lap. This resulted in jealousy from Chad who said he then wanted the pint sized pup in HIS lap. “Your lap, my lap, your lap, my lap…done!” What is this, let’s make a deal over temporary pooch custody?
It just ate Chad up that mommy Victoria gave Starla attention and a little salmon. I think it was more someone else wasn’t getting the attention and left to his chai-ice cream-soup. Celebrities can be so gullible.
She’s not an accessory, Chad. And I’m not talking about Starla.
Josh’s man slippers and the fact that his sheets match his pajamas crack me up. But I still like his decorating taste. If he’s gay I’m going to be VERY disappointed. Plus I’ll have to get my gay-dar checked and that is an expensive overhaul. But the fact that his cocker spaniel needs a groomer like Chad needs a hair cut is reassuring.
Josh’s notoriety has grown (or maybe his spam mail from last episode is paying off) and he was asked to sell a piece of property in Malibu for a rancher living in Montana. Impressed with the prospect of being hired by a developer Josh wastes no more time than it took to verify the guys credentials to arrange a meeting.
Madison is still dropping the ball with Camillo; a VERY rich client who wants to take advantage of the distressed market. I’m guessing he’s looking for a marble palace for the price of a Middle-lower-class foreclosure. Camillo says he wants to make 30-40% on a resale; but isn’t grabbing the deals. He wants flash and on the cheap. Think pawn shop mentality: cents on the dollar.
Can’t say I blame Camillo on the property though, it didn’t pop. Nothing special about it – peach colored stucco in a neighborhood of peach colored stucco. Madison then found a short-sale in bit better neighborhood with a much higher price-tag, but again Camillo wasn’t amused with the “value” of the property. In all fairness maybe he should spell it out for Madison.
But then, Madison should know his client.
Josh tromped in the mud and rain with his perspective new client to look at a 21 acre lot in Malibu. First the umbrella won’t cooperate and then Josh’s $300 Italians get muddied – and left on the road when he drives off- while Josh shakes uncontrollably in the frigid rain. Poor kid. “Jewish camp” may have made you aware of mud, but it certainly didn’t make you prepared for how to handle the elements. Oy vey!
Rule #1 of always being prepared (which Josh should have learned at camp) ALWAYS have a plastic bag in your car. Trash, barf, and muddy shoes can all go in a simple plastic bag. Of course, Chad is the king of plastic bags, and I guess Josh will do anything not to be like Chad.
Chad is asked to pair up on an uber-expensive house in the Hills by a real estate acquaintance of his, Ben.
House – gorgeous.
Client – rich.
Chad – Chad.
During the meeting Chad goes ON and ON about himself at the exclusion of Ben and tried to control the deal when Ben was the one owning the listing. When Ben regained control of the conversation Chad wasn’t pleased at all (not saying it would work with me either Chad, there’s only two places I like a man in control, and one of them is taking out the garbage) that he not only wasn’t in control; but wasn’t the center of attention. Where was Starla when he needed her?
J
osh is awakened by his potential client. A sleep mask? Really? The client wants to see what Josh is willing to do to show he’s worth in the investment to broker a property. The client wants Josh to fly to Montana for a day on the ranch.
Yee haw, saddle up.
At the agent open house for the uber house Ben and Chad get along – despite Ben being late and Chad obsessing about flowers – although Ben puts Chad on the spot on Camera to hold Chad to his word about sharing one of HIS listings with Ben.
Hmmm. Ben…you REALLY need to watch the show more.
Josh showed up in the snowy Montana region in a red flannel shirt and torn jeans. Watching Josh push a pony almost made me pee in my pants. I hope he realized those are not brown apples laying on the ground. It is a turn-on watching a guy work though…well, a young fit guy work. Not so much when they weigh as much as the pony.
At least the bar in Montana was nice and cozy. With dead animals posed around in “natural” positions. I’ve often seen mountain lions eternally poised to attack drunks at bars… perfectly natural. Poor kitty.
The client is purrlicious though.
Back in L.A. Josh went shopping for riding clothes…to promote the look of his open house, supposedly. I know I would wear at least two of the outfits. Though my riding crop has never seen a horse.
Back in California Camillo tells Madison, “I’m your dream client, I have money. I’m looking for many, many homes…do you know how many starving agents that are out there that WISH they could get my business? And now you tell me you have nothing for me?”
Oh Camillo, you flirt. Show me your black card again. Rawr! (What?! I told you all before that the fatter the wallet the skinnier the guy).
Chad asked his mom over to cook a meal for him to serve to Victoria. He gets his mom excited saying he’s going to “Pop a question” to Victoria. However, that question is for 50% ownership of Starla, so that he can always have her in his life.
This translated as : I don’t have enough to offer the world nor do I want to give more of myself to Victoria, so I need a dog to make me adorable and justify my sense of worth as a caring person, so I want custody in case Victoria gets smart and leaves.
This news also melted the smile off his perpetually perky mom who bends over backwards to show her son she loves him. “Are you comfortable with that?…But (Victoria) is your heart too…” What a nice mom to try and gently urge her son in the right direction, especially on camera. Too bad “Helmut” inhaled too much hairspray to get the obvious; or perhaps it’s a shell for selfishness?
Note to Chad: good sons don’t ask their mother to make dinner for their girlfriend, so they can point out to girlfriend how uncertain you are in the relationship.
I think Chad’s bangs blocked out reality when his foil is foiled, and Victoria excuses herself from dinner, obviously disgusted with the proposal Chad has presented her. The only thing Chad could say was,”Starla, I think I upset your mommy.”
Gee, ya think.
The next day Chad and Ben went to their client’s business V Moda to discuss the lack of offers on the uber house. The more I watch this show the more I realize to get rich you have to be a pr*ck. ::looking up prick lessons on Bing:: yeah, I see a lot of pictures, but no lessons. I guess it’s a secret club thing.
Note to self for success: next life, make sure you are born with a big man-part,are 6’ tall, gorgeous, and a massive pain to others.
Madison scores big with Camillo with an unassuming curbside view house in the hills. Inside the decorating style is mixed from Cali casual (wood trim) to modern twist (brushed stainless steel doors and fireplace) with an incredible view of the valley from a modern inset pool and hot tub.
Camillo likes. And whatever Camillo likes, Camillo gets…at a discount of course.
Josh tried really hard to put on a good show for the broker’s open he held for the 21 acres he is representing for his Montana client. The white theme presented the properties freshness appeal; the white horses showed the horse potential and the white range rover shuttled the broker’s to the buffet.
Good idea: shuttle them in and trap them there.
Poor Josh doesn’t know what hit him when broker’s ask him questions he can’t answer about water rights and building restrictions. Maybe camp should have covered preparedness a little better.
Camillo had a housewarming which has some interesting results for Madison and his date, ending up in the pool. Oops (coyish fingertips to mouth pose). I wonder what Camillo is going to think of about THAT.
Tune in next week on Bravo or catch it here in the AFTERPARTY to find out.
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